D. Aspie Communication
Communicating with Posters on the Spectrum
Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASDs) cause a difficulty with social skills. That means, difficulty with tact, knowing what is appropriate to say or not to say, a lack of insight into other's thoughts and feelings, the tendency to take people too literally and occasionally, rather brutal honesty.
Contents:
- Asking Questions
- Are you Being Insulted?
- "Black and White" Thinking
- Free-Association (Tangents)
1. Asking Questions
If you do not want a straight answer to a question, do not ask it!
ACs will answer a question when asked. They cannot be expected to know that the question may be rhetorical, or that you only want certain answers. If you are afraid of people's opinions, will take presumed criticism badly or expect vague pleasantries, a.s.a. may not be the appropriate newsgroup for you. Be warned that there is little use in requesting the question is only for NT posters - many of our presumed-NT posters are either undiagnosed ACs, or have tendencies in that direction.
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2. Are you being insulted?
Please be careful before assuming a poster is being insincere, attempting to deceive, being sarcastic, trying to irritate you, being arrogant, aggressive or being deliberately offensive. It is more than likely the person is on the spectrum and doesn't realise that that is how they come across.
For instance, a person posts that they are trying a dietary supplement on their kid. Someone posts the question "Do you have scientific reasons for believing this supplement will work, or are you just gullible?"
It would be easy to get very angry and "flame" the person for saying this (ie be very rude back). However, it is perfectly possible the poster is asking a genuine question, not realising that you are not supposed to ask someone if they are gullible, and that by doing so, they are unintentionally implying that they think you are (and not realising that "gullible" is a euphemism for very stupid, and consequently, an insult).
Many things that may be "obvious" to you are nothing of the sort to ACs.
Also, many ACs, and posters with ASD tendencies, will have explosive tempers and may over-react or mis-read situations. A Newbie needs to be understanding of that, and also realise that as fast as some of us blow up, we calm down again. It is best to develop a short memory, to match our short fuses.
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3. "Black-and-white" Thinking
ACs typically see the word in rigid, black-and-white terms, no grey areas. A statement is either wrong or right, good or bad, truth or lie. Hence, getting into a discussion with an AC could be a frustrating experience, particularly if you interpret definative statements for confidence, or even arrogance.
If you want to win an argument with an AC, you had better be logical. State your facts, argue your point of view, and if you argue well enough, you will commonly see the previously resolute AC do a complete 180 degree turn on his or her former opinion. You see, it wasn't arrogance after all. It was just an AC being autistic.
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4. Free-Association (Tangents)
To be part of this group, you will need to be tolerant of the AC tendency to go off at tangents, take people too literally, make puns and bring in apparent irrelevancies. If you don't follow a thread, it could well be due to the fact that no one knows what's going on anymore, and not be any bad reflection on you in any way.
For instance, a recent discussion that went (thanks to Odin's ability with Free Association):
Theory of Mind - Sally-Ann Test - marbles - Lord Elgin's marbles - Greek antiquities, and probably eventually end up as Greek internal politics, the Macedonian problem and the Serbo-Croatian war, and thence to the European refugee crisis, immigration and race-relations policies in UK.
My personal advice regards such discussions is to relax and let it wash over you, and don't take it too seriously. It is just a bunch of ACs revelling in their brains' abilities to link disparate bits of information into an intricate pattern.
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