Sally Meyer (parent): Autism isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new one.
Martijn (HFA/AS): on the Social Model of Disability:
The fact that I am HFA or AS severely impairs my ability to function in a society designed by and for NTs in many various ways. And therefore my HFA/AS is, among other things, a disability in all senses of the word.
I claim my disability, and I demand that it be recognized not just in a legal sense, but also in a societal sense. And I do so with pride, self-awareness and self-confidence, so that, with the right adaptations, I can function optimally within this society in a way that works for Me.
Aimee (parent): on finding out her child was autistic:
Finding out my child has autism broke my heart for a long time, its been 2 years but I still struggle with *MY* need to have a "normal child. In time I have gained knowledge and some acceptance but it is still hard to see a "normal" child playing happily with his friends (Jesse has no friends, but doesnt seem to concerned at this point). I had so many fantasies about what my child would be, it was hard to accept what he "is". I waver from complete acceptance and advocacy to sullen and selfish non-acceptance, but the days of the non-acceptance are shorter and less often.
I do thank Allah for the uniqueness of my child now. Everyday he does a cute or quirky thing that brings me to laughter. Two nights a go he was in the back seat where I keep my purse etc. Well, he was back there and talking about about Band-aids, rambling about "This is a BIG band-aid" well, I turned around and there he was trying to wrap one of my pads (woman type pad) around his forehead. I almost had an accident *and* died of embarassment simultaneously.
Ian (AS): Autism is for life, not just for Christmas.
Kalen (HFA): I don't think in pictures!
Larry (AS): after a particularly stressful day, having to put up with prejudices:
"Sometimes I want to curse my maker for creating me so different. I do not fit in this world, there is no place for me. I knew that from my earliest years, why did I continue? I am not a tame, house trained autistic, I am the feral kind. I am a wolf, not a sheep dog."
Jennie and her son son Kieran (AC):
Kalen (HFA): on the subject of becoming verbal:Between me and Kieran:
Me: Do you like to start conversations?
Kieran: No
Me: Why not?
Kieran: Because when I say something it gets changed and changed and turns into a nightmare!I interpreted this as him having trouble following the conversation to the point where he no longer felt confident enough to contribute.
Another one between Kieran and a doctor:
Kieran: I fell out of the cubby-house and broke my arm.
DrX: Which one?
Kieran: The one down the back yard."
Anna Hayward (AS): on the subject of tact:My greatest regret in life is learning to talk. It was talking - and the ability to label the internal and external world - that took away my world and forced me into this one. Prior to learning of words, I existed in my peaceful, distant world where I was aloof and untouchable. I was safely away from this overwhelming and usually unpleasant world. My world was silent - a silence not of sound but of understanding. The noise of the world could not penetrate my thoughtless, noiseless, unfeeling existence. It is my world that I miss. There is no returning; there is no way to unlearn what is learned. I now know of words and concepts. I now know of emotions, of people, and of pain.
When I was low functioning I was in my own little world and I didn't care. It's much harder for me being high functioning and intensely aware of what I am not. I'm too low functioning to cope well, but too high functioning to get any help.
I try to explain how it's not so much tactlessness, but tact as a random, indefinable target that I can only occasionally hit, and then, as much by luck as by judgement. I try to explain how, when I speak, I am doing a million calculations in my head, trying to determine the likelihood of each statement being offensive, trying to conceive of every possible scenario in which my statement would be inappropriate, trying to recall previous occasions on which I said a similar thing, and how it was received; the difference between a human being playing chess, and a computer.
I am the chess computer, trying to calculate statistical outcomes of individual moves.
Tim (AC): Fix problems, not Autism
Dave Spicer (AS): on being High Functioning:
Because of the specific skills associated with having a fairly-high verbal IQ, I can put words together in a way which can usually be pretty well understood, and would not be identified as "sounding autistic". But this, to me, is as though I were very fluent in a foreign language. My 'native language' doesn't seem to have any words... thus, if I had to use only it, I too would be nonverbal. It is only the use of adaptation which permits me to use words as I do. It is not my fault that my makeup happens to include the technical ability to use words in certain ways, in imitation of what I see other people doing. Some autistic folks multiply large numbers; I construct large sentences. It sometimes happens that this skill is useful in expressing certain ideas. Examining the structure and flow of the words I write might lead one to make assumptions about me based on those observations. Such assumptions would likely not be correct. What appears to be seamless integration is actually the skillful use of an 'interface layer', a veneer. If people tell me they would have no idea I am autistic, it is because they are seeing the interface layer, not me. It serves to mask, mute, and 'adapt away' my differentness for the convenience of those around me. The inclination or desire may be to assume that 'I' reside in that layer. I do not. It mostly-surrounds me, and is almost always kept in front of me, but it is not where I am located.
Gary (a.k.a. Tigger) (AC): on his reasons for trying to get a diagnosis in adulthood:
I am going ahead with getting the dx. Until I took a close look at AS I had no connection with people who had similar back grounds. I was not able to get any kind of support. Every one tried to convince me that I could think and feel like other people. I knew it was not possible but had no way of convincing them or being truly convinced myself. I now understand that my aversion to interaction is normal for me, I am coping differently. I do not avoid people. I plan my time so I have a way out or can take breaks. I know better then to expect myself to fit in. I can still care about people and do what I can for others.
Hans Kamp (AC): on acceptance by others:
If everybody likes me, and accepts me who I am, I don't mind being autistic at all!! I can say that, in that case, I am a happy person!
Luramao (AC): on emotions:
I had none as a kid. Then, I somehow acquired an 'on' switch re emotions. The problem was that I had ONLY 'off' or 'on', nothing in between (and, also, some of the emotions were not appropriate to whatever the situation). Then, later in life, I acquired some variation. I like to think of my emotion-ability as something like a dial. Nowadays, instead of just 'off' and then the 'off and also on', now I have something like a dial which operates from 0 to about 20 or 30... then a big gap in between where instead 'moderation' should be, and then 110. I think part of the problem of aspie kids meltdowns is because they too are lacking the 'middle ground', so if it effects them at all, its gonna be 'very little' or 'meltdown'.
Originally compiled by Anna Hayward on behalf of the alt.support.autism newsgroup, November 2000. Original site design and HTML by Kalen Molton. Please address any general queries to Mike Stanton. Broken links and problems of a technical nature should be addressed to John Muggleton by entering details in the comments box of the form here. Any opinions expressed in this article are personal and should not be construed as medical advice. We are not representatives of any of the companies discussed, nor do we receive any form of commission.